he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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