My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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