My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
