Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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