I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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