Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
