i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
