If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
