After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
