I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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