All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
