Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
