Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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