all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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