I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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