he puts the penis in happiness.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
