9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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