i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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