Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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