Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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