If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
