I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
