Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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