Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
