I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
