bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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