Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize