Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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