it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
