Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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