I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
