Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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