She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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