Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
