I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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