Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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