what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think people are normalizing furries
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
