In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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