one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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