you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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