So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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