I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
