What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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