he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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