I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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