So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
