We won't sleep together?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
