Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
