I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
