I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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