Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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