he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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