I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
