Plan B is the new Plan A
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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