Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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