Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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