Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
