Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
