I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
