All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
