the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
