I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
