I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
