That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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