Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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