covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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