We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
