I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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