remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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