so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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